… or, “No Seriously, I’ll Burn Their House Down”
Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas
Is for you to make them stop
This year was supposed to be different
“Surely,” muttered I, “they wouldn’t dare”
Not with the economy doing keg-stands
Right?
And yet
Each time I turn on my beleaguered television
There they are
More commercials
Where happy, good-looking people
Give each other brand new cars
Festooned with big red bows
Has anyone
Ever actually
Done that?
Ever?
Who are these people?
Oil tycoons?
Robber barons?
Bob Barker?
Listen, Santa
All I am saying is this:
Should I awake on Christmas morn
To discover my neighbors
All agog
Over a car
With an oversize novelty ribbon
My vengeance upon them
Shall be swift and devastating
And it will be your fault.
Give Mrs. Claus
A hug for me.
