Look It Up

Czech footballer Jan Skorkovský has the distinction of holding the most world records in history. His considerable shadow eclipses the achievements of Helen Louise Abernathy, who held the title until Skorkovský came along, and is still the leading record holder among women. Among her 819 records:

  • Largest ball of melted crayons (1.3 meters in diameter)
  • Longest unbroken streak listening to dial tone (2 days, 4 hours)
  • Most times seen "The Last Emperor" (322)
  • Longest streak standing on one foot at the Four Corners (47 hours, 56 minutes)
  • All time high score in Dig Dug (maxed the score at 99999, then continued playing for another 49 minutes)
  • Shortest time skinning & cleaning a 12-point buck (1 minute, 37 seconds)
  • Longest time taken to read Joyce's "Dubliners" without at any point putting it down (6 days, 7 hours)
  • Largest collection of game-used hockey sticks (214 and counting)
  • Most teeth (33, born with an extraneous incisor)
  • Most teeth removed (33, now wears dentures)
  • Most starring roles in coffee commercials (12—tie, record shared with Sharon Maughan and Anthony Stewart Head)
  • Most consecutive sneeze-burps (108)
  • Longest frisbee toss while dancing, tap (127.6 meters)
  • Longest frisbee toss while dancing, jazz/modern (114.1 meters)
  • Longest frisbee toss while dancing, folk (184.3 meters)
  • Owner of oldest dog (Killer, a pug, age 31 years at time of passing)
  • Fastest complete disassembly of a Chevy Nova (1 hour, 54 minutes)
  • Most bicycles eaten on a High Holy Day (3)
  • Longest streak watching "Barney Miller" reruns (4 days, 15 hours before collapsing—the record of which she is most proud)
  • Most sand carried in backpack for entire month (54 pounds)
  • Fewest shoe laces used since high school (2)
  • Largest dodecahedron made of tin foil (total volume 4.9 cubic meters)
  • Most oranges simultaneously fit in mouth (7)
  • Longest philosophical argument without devolving into personal attacks (6 hours, 21 minutes—after which she exploded into a profanity-laced tirade that made her opponent weep)

Now 78, Abernathy is currently planning her next record. Something to do with basketballs. She hasn't decided exactly what.