Correcting and Replacing

We regret the following errors that were reported in recent issues. Furthermore, we will admit to being at our wit's end. The factual mistakes simply will not stop, and we only have so many fingers to plug up the dam. It is almost as if this publication has become an enemy of facts. Perhaps we should put that on the masthead: Where Facts Go To Die. Honestly, when we look around at the editorial staff — none of whom we have the authority to fire — it is as if we are surrounded by squirrels. And be "we," I mean "me." Why continue the third-person masquerade? There is only one person in this office capable of determining truth from fabrication. And it's me. And I'm surrounded by squirrels. "Senior Center Facing Budget Crisis" (8/6/08) - The Vietnam War did not start in Sarajevo. Also, Sarajevo is not named for an legendary Eskimo hunter.

"New Airfield Open for Business" (8/7/08) - The coordinates for the new helipad at McKinney Airfield were off by several degrees. Our apologies to the Sacred Heart field hockey team, though in our defense this was not the first SH field hockey game to be forfeit due to helicopter landing.

"A Secret in Our Midst" (8/10/08) - The VFW hall on Piccolo Avenue is not the secret meeting place for a cult of demon-worshippers. Or so they keep insisting.

"The Untold History of Nabisco" (8/12/08) - The National Biscuit Co. had no direct involvement with the development of the hydrogen bomb.

"Problems with the Art Museum's Summer Hours? Magritte Your Teeth And Bear It" (8/13/08) - There is little or no evidence that rear-window defrosters cause bipolar disorder.

"For Incoming Seniors, It's Never Too Early for P-R-O-M" (8/17/08) - Anywhere the article mentions 'cornichons,' it should say 'corsages.' Cornichons are tiny pickles.

"Retailers Get Creative in Down Economy" (8/18/08) - Thrifty Mart's 'Show Us What You Got' contest invites shoppers to send in pictures of their pantries — that's pantries with an 'r.' We sincerely regret the typo, and any disturbing photos Thrifty Mart may have received as a result.

"Maritime Week in Review" (8/20/08) - There were several inaccuracies in the tide schedule; see our website for updated dates & times. Druids could get this sort of info right five thousand years ago, but apparently we can't. Unbelievable.