A Missive to Father Christmas

... or, "No Seriously, I'll Burn Their House Down" Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas Is for you to make them stop

This year was supposed to be different "Surely," muttered I, "they wouldn't dare" Not with the economy doing keg-stands Right?

And yet Each time I turn on my beleaguered television There they are

More commercials Where happy, good-looking people Give each other brand new cars Festooned with big red bows

Has anyone Ever actually Done that? Ever?

Who are these people? Oil tycoons? Robber barons? Bob Barker?

Listen, Santa All I am saying is this:

Should I awake on Christmas morn To discover my neighbors All agog Over a car With an oversize novelty ribbon My vengeance upon them Shall be swift and devastating

And it will be your fault.

Give Mrs. Claus A hug for me.