Roll Your Own

Would you like me more if I rolled my own? If I carried rolling papers and a pouch of Drum? If I had the whole thing down to a science, sprinkling out just the right amount while listening intently to the story of your semester in Berlin? Would you like me more if I read Ginsberg in cafes? If I sat by myself drinking strong coffee and complicated teas? Hunched over the table with one hand holding the book open and the other stirring absent-mindedly?

Would you like me more if I played bass? If I had one band for my serious music, another for cutting loose and making a few extra bucks? How about another on the side that meets once or twice a month, just to do some experimental stuff?

Would you like me more if I shopped at vintage stores? If I applied irony to clothes that were worn without irony by truckers, by shopkeepers, by the East German Air Force? And looked, if I do say so myself, pretty good doing it?

Would you like me more if I watched black and white movies? If I scorned the multiplex in favor of the indi-house? If my top five films of all time (gun to my head, desert island, no turning back) all had subtitles?

Would you like me more if I carried a little notebook? Something private, where I scrawl journal entries and sketch people sitting on the subway? If I never let anyone see it but you?

Would you like me more if I were quiet? A pensive, brooding quiet that kicks in while everyone else is prattling on about themselves, and hints at how much depth is underneath? In other words, not the awkward quiet that I am right now?

Would you like me more if I listened to a lot of music you had never heard? If I knew about all the cool kids before they played SXSW? If my iPod were 16 gigs of pure education, a voyage into what will be happening when the mainstream catches up?

Would you like me more if I had a white forelock? If I had a chin beard and wore a porkpie hat? If I had a tattoo that peeked out from under my t-shirt, but remained a mystery until I lifted up my sleeve and told you what it means in Gaelic?

Would you like me more if one of your friends liked me first? If I hadn't really been that into her? If I had broken her heart?

Because if not, I have cupcakes. And if that doesn't do it, then I officially don't know what will.