Would You Rather: A Series of Hypothetical Conundra for Conversation and Assessment

Would you rather ... One

... be with someone who is a perfect match for you both physically and emotionally, but who leaves green paint on you (and only you) whenever you touch them, ~or~ ... own a stylish, luxurious car that never needs refueling, but whose stereo only ever plays a running commentary of your life's regrets over a slowed-down record of carnival music?


... have a weekly billiards game with Benjamin Franklin and Mark Twain in a fully stocked bar, but once per evening you would have to watch them suffocate a piglet, ~or~ ... be the first human to walk on Mars after only a week of space travel, but never be allowed to use a towel again for the rest of your life?


... be great at any skill for a month at a time, but you could never choose the same skill twice and would always be terrible at bathing yourself, ~or~ ... have a portable button that, when pressed, would make up to five nearby people dance gracefully, with a one in ten thousand chance they would become ravenous zombies?


... be able to travel back in time once per year for a period of forty-eight hours without affecting the present, but be plagued by nightmares about spiders with clown faces, ~or~ ... have the ability to teleport anywhere on Earth, but scream uncontrollably for an hour each time you arrived?


... smell like lavender all the time, regardless of your actions, but taste gasoline any time someone says the number seven, ~or~ ... have a room in your house that is always filled with puppies that need neither food nor cleaning, but be required by federal law to provide freeze-dried "astronaut ice cream" for anyone who asks, day or night?


... automatically be friends with famous individuals anywhere in the world, but have high-powered flashlights grafted to each forearm that you can never turn off, ~or~ ... have the ability to communicate empathically with animals, but be terrified to the point of uselessness by hats and socks?


... be able to manipulate electronics with your mind, but permanently forget everyone's name ten minutes after you meet them, ~or~ ... understand of the mathematics behind the world's economy, allowing you to predict markets with eighty percent accuracy, but honestly and fervently believe that you were raised by goldfish?


... excel at a line of work that you truly love, but constantly be followed by a skeleton that tells people what you're thinking, ~or~ ... be able to forego food and water indefinitely, but have a Blu-ray recording of your own conception that you had to watch any time you watched a movie?


... spend alternate days with the powers of flight and invisibility, but only talk by belching words with your eyes closed, and compulsively slap anyone who looks at your hands, ~or~ ... never feel anger again, but lack a fundamental knowledge of what fire is, where it comes from, and what it does? Plus the slapping thing?


...wake up one morning to find that you have the whole planet to yourself for one year, during which you will not age, but you won't find out until the year is over that all your actions were filmed, ~or~ ... wake up one morning to find that one hundred years have passed, but you can return if you convince someone to eat an entire baby?