APPROVED: Let's Build A Giant Laser To Tear Apart Outer Space

"Flawless" is not a word to toss about lightly. That is not to say that we here at Analog Nation are, for want of a better term, perfection snobs. We have no problem enjoying stuff that may have an element of lack to it — movies, books, sandwiches, whatever. It's pretty hard to get things firing on all cylinders, which makes it all the more gratifying when something does. A few examples off the top of my head:

• The "Timmy O'Toole" episode of The Simpsons • Vince Guaraldi's soundtrack to "A Charlie Brown Christmas" • The first half of The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Klay • Pancakes

So when I came across this article while perusing the Internet for photos of kittens napping on large dogs news of the financial situation in Greece, I was gratified. Brother, I was gratified like a son of a bitch. Because this right here? This science article? This science article does not fuck about. It may well be flawless.

Have a look at this headline, then tell me with a straight face that journalism is dead:

World's most powerful laser to tear apart the vacuum of space

Will I click that link? Yes. I will click that link. I will click the beer-swilling Christ out of that link. Fetch me this article, Chrome, and so help me you had better fetch it faster than Firefox.

What the article describes is a bad-ass piece of science that honestly elicited an aloud "whoah" as I read. A proposed project called the Extreme Light Infrastructure Ultra-High Field Facility takes the fundamental idea behind the Large Hadron Collider and points it at the sky. Its goal is similar to the LHC: create a tiny but crazy-violent moment in space and time, then examine what happens for clues about the true nature of the universe.

Oh, is that all? Boom, you just got Science'd.

Come on, that is some serious Death Star/Torchwood shit.

And how do these physicists propose to accomplish their bad-ass piece of science? Build an array (wait for it) build an array of (no really, you guys, check this out) build an array of giant lasers that will form a single ultra giant laser so it can pull apart the vacuum space. What?? Is that even a thing?? Apparently so, judging by this passage in the article:

"Contrary to popular belief, a vacuum is not devoid of material but in fact fizzles with tiny mysterious particles that pop in and out of existence, but at speeds so fast that no one has been able to prove they exist."

I'm almost positive I heard Commander LaForge say that exact same thing in an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Pretty sure it was somewhere in the Dr. Pulaski season. Mind you, this is actually happening.

But that's not even as far as the rabbit hole goes. Some highlights:

• The finished laser would be 200 times more powerful than any that has ever been created. • If I'm reading this right, the individual lasers in the array would be located throughout Europe. • It would require so much power that it would have to charge up gradually before firing, a classic sci-fi trope. • The target would be quasi-existent sub-atomic matter known as "ghost particles." (!!!!) • And oh yeah, an indirect result of the research may be "to prove whether extra-dimensions exist."

Okay, so ... continental space laser array will rip open the fabric of space, unveil "ghost particles," shed light on the nature of the universe, and may unleash parallel dimensions.

APPROVED. Rubber stamp it. Get the paperwork going. Is there paperwork? Somebody find out what kind of paperwork is involved. I want this thing green-lit, or fast-tracked, or ear-marked, or whatever it is that world governments do to make giant space lasers happen. Everything about this thing is magnificent. Flawless.