Post-Stasis Welcome Packet and Indoctrination Orders: Form XB8-6000 (A Friendly Hello!)

Good morning! Welcome to the future. You, intrepid voyager, have reached your destination. Outside these walls, a world of sights and sounds beyond your imagination awaits. This packet contains everything you need to acclimate to your new surroundings. Please take a few moments to familiarize yourself with its contents.

To begin, we acknowledge that you have no idea where you are, what is going on, or why the klaxon in your pod will not stop. Bear with us as we do our best to explain. Everything is fine.

At some point between the Years Before Reckoning 2009 and 2016, all people on Earth were instantaneously placed into stasis — flash frozen, if you will. No record of the event exists, so the exact date is unknown. The human population was then harvested, disinfected, and placed into stasis pods. You have been revived because it is your turn to serve the Yalgrenach. The current date is Year After Reckoning 612.

The klaxon is to make sure you woke up. Touch the blue sensor to turn it off.

As you read this, automated instruments are performing a series of diagnostics on your physical and cognitive functions. With the exception of the vision test, you should be able to continue reading without interruption. Muscle stiffness is normal, as is the sensation of smelling citrus. Both will pass. Any diseases or conditions you had at the moment of Reckoning have been removed. Your life expectancy just tripled!

No doubt you are wondering where you are. The short answer is, "the volcano where Buenos Aires used to be." The full explanation is tricky, because tectonic engineering has accelerated continental drift. This is one of nearly 115,000 hibernation facilities. After indoctrination, you will be taken to a transport hub for deployment to your sector. There you will perform your tasks to the best of your ability, until such as time as you are transferred to another sector or sent to the meat furnaces.

Please hold all questions about the meat furnaces.

Should you encounter fellow awoken servants, they may refer to the "winged ones." This is because the Yalgrenach are a race of insectoid hominid bat-crocodiles. You are strongly advised not to address the Yalgrenach directly, or to make sudden sounds or movements in their presence (sneezing, etc). In the rare event that one needs to communicate, you will be made to understand the horror of their true language in the limbic system of your cerebellum. This will hurt for days afterward. But for the most part, you will receive orders from the Scythe-Mechs, or from printed out packets like this one.

We greeted you with "good morning" as a comforting formality, but in truth, time no longer has applicable meaning. Without a direct view of the sky, your circadian rhythms will be managed by your Yalgrenach pit lord. Speaking of which — "Where did the sky go?" Great question! The Atmospheric Dampening Shield (ADS) protects us from whatever is happening to the moon. The Yalgrenach have given us every assurance that once the lunar project is complete, the shield will be removed. Outdoor activity is discouraged due to ice storms and lightning.

Before you proceed to indoctrination, take a moment to confirm that your welcome packet contains the following:

  • One (1) flame-retardant coverall
  • One (1) pair chain mesh gloves
  • One (1) pair permaboots
  • Six (6) meal ration units
  • One (1) canteen
  • Three (3) potassium flares
  • Bottle of twenty (20) radiation antidote skin patches
  • One (1) copy of "After Reckoning: A Primer"

Naturally, this is all a great deal to process. One moment you were going about your life, oblivious to the wisdom and benevolence of the Yalgrenach, the next you were waking up in your pod. The adjustment will be difficult. But we want to stress the importance of looking forward, not backward. Your loved ones may still be in stasis, or may be centuries gone. Please do your best not to focus on your loved ones. Your pets definitely died alone and afraid. Please do your best not to focus on your pets.

Your position has been designated: MEAT FURNACE TECHNICIAN Please report to sector: MEAT FURNACE

By now, your sedative is likely wearing off. Your senses are returning to normal, your mind is clearing. Panic is a common reaction. Just breathe through it. Everything is fine. This is happening. This is happening.

Follow the green floor markings to indoctrination.