Posts Tagged ‘ Doom! ’

Post-Stasis Welcome Packet and Indoctrination Orders: Form XB8-6000 (A Friendly Hello!)

March 19, 2012
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Good morning! Welcome to the future. You, intrepid voyager, have reached your destination. Outside these walls, a world of sights and sounds beyond your imagination awaits. This packet contains everything you need to acclimate to your new surroundings. Please take a few moments to familiarize yourself with its contents. To begin, we acknowledge that...
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Bananas: Now Even Weirder Somehow

July 6, 2011
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There is calamitous news on the breakfast front, people. Breakfast is sacrosanct here at Analog Nation, so I would not throw around a word like “calamitous” lightly. Apparently I’m fine throwing around “sacrosanct,” though. At any rate, the news isn’t good. Bananas, it seems, are not long for this world. To understand how this...
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Spidergoats IV: Dawn of the Worm

October 5, 2010
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Well, that’s just great. Here we go with another catastrophic idea, some supervillain scheme swaddled head to foot in crazypants, which will supposedly make the world a better place. Way to go, Science. Let’s have a look at what new weapons you’re adding to the spidergoats’ arsenal. This ought to be good. What now,...
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Spidergoats III: Secret of the Golden Orb

November 22, 2009
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Spidergoats III: Secret of the Golden Orb

Earth’s salvation rests in a display case on the Upper West Side. It is a cloth, somewhere between a rug and a shawl, with long, wispy tassels. A dizzying pattern weaves up and down its length, the work of many hands. It is a nearly perfect shade of gold. Dozens of pins hold the...
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Spidergoats II: Hairy Legs and All

August 13, 2009
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One of the basic tenets of popular culture is that the villain is always one piece away from completing his master plan. Sauron needed the One Ring. Belloq needed the Staff of Ra. Megatron needed the Allspice, or something — honestly, that movie made so little sense, my back started to hurt (I’m not...
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Humpty Dumpty the Destroyer

July 31, 2009
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Let’s say you’re a scientist. You wear a lab coat, you rock the clipboard, you nudge the bridge of your glasses to keep them from sliding down. You have been in the private sector. You have delivered results. And as you toil away in your fluorescent, dust-free environment, you have one goal: To accidentally...
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