This is a cautionary tale. It is designed to convey a point, and to drive that point home with terrifying force. If I can save even one of you miserable wretches from having to suffer as I have, then I will go to my grave in peace. Not soon, mind you, but definitely in...
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For the last two years, I’ve been using a cell phone that I hand-picked from the multitudes strictly for its comic tinyness. Nearly everyone who’s gotten a look at it has remarked on its size, up to and including the girl who sold me its replacement. People ask how I manage to talk with...
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I knew I was in trouble when I didn’t want them to sweep away my hair. I’m sure there’s a name for it. I’m sure the name makes it sound a lot scarier than it is, a name that would make my Mom nervous. Maybe I don’t want to know the name, because then...
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A few months back, we here at Analog Nation delved into the intricate world of philatelists, individuals who are compelled to find, analyze, and catalog stamps. These people are connoisseurs. They see art where others see only paper and ink. And while it may be amusing to label them, en masse, as weirdos —...
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A mental exercise, if you will. Remove any hats or other headgear you may be wearing. Close your eyes, massage your temples, and think small. Toasters? Smaller. Shoes? Smaller. Pomegranates? Smaller. Cesium atoms? Okay, bigger. Hamsters? Whoops, overshot it a bit. … Mice? There we go. Mice. More specifically, little teeny mouse brains. A...
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