Analog Nation

In honor of Independence Day, we present an all-American edition of “Own Words.” “It is wholly fitting that we should celebrate July 4th, 1776. It is the day when the rest of the world’s nations dropped their playthings and said, ‘Uh-oh, Dad’s home.’” -George S. Patton, 1943 “America is a train. A train that steams [...]

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“I’ve always lived my life by a set of simple rules. Be the first guy in the dugout, be the last to leave. Run out every ground ball. Never start a fight, but never run away from one. Always tip your cap to a lady, especially if she’s carrying a goose. When you’re demanding that [...]

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In honor of this quasi-historic day (everyone seems to forget that Coolidge was also African-American), we present a special edition of “In Their Own Words,” featuring inaugural addresses of yesteryear. “It is with distinct honor that I take upon myself the mantle of this office, a distinction that has been bestowed upon me by you, [...]

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“I am not going to lie to you, men. The odds we face are grim. We are outnumbered and outgunned. Our supplies dwindle. Our ammunition will not last. The enemy is well rested, well positioned, and very angry about the fact that I called King George the son of a motherless goat. It is possible [...]

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“As you can tell from these photographs, the hieroglyphs inscribed in the tomb’s antechamber are fairly straightforward. Here we see a kneeling man followed by an eye, some water, two ravens and a foot — which, as our best Egyptologists indicate, can be loosely translated as ‘foreign interloper.’ Here, the man is shown entering the [...]

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“May God bless and reward this voyage, may the winds be swift, and may the indigenous peoples we discover be peaceful, honorable, and centuries away from discovering gunpowder.” -Francisco Pizarro, departing Spain with a fleet bound for the New World, 1502 “You know what, screw it. Let’s spark up and watch Sunrise Earth.” -Al Gore, [...]

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